Let’s not answer this question immediately.
Contemplate it… What is authentic happiness for me today?
If you sincerely ask your higher power (your intuitive knowing) this question, the answer will likely download into your consciousness. It might mean taking a time-out from reading this book and all activities. It might mean just stopping and breathing for 3 minutes. It might mean looking at your loved one’s picture. It could mean walking in the sunshine, giving yourself a complement, treating yourself to something pleasurable, developing discipline to master a skill. It could even mean decluttering your office or calculating and paying your taxes. The answers are endless, because every person and every momentary situation is unique onto itself. I invite you to place this question on your desk, bathroom wall, refrigerator, and in your car to remind yourself to ask this question each and every day because you are probably like most of us: We had forgotten the deepest purpose of our existence is to be happy, not happy sometime in the future, but happy now. Of course I am not just talking about ha-ha laughter kind of happiness, even though smiling and laughing can certainly bring out our joy.
Let’s look at the anatomy of various kinds of happiness. Robert Holden is British psychologist that is considered “Britain’s foremost expert on happiness”. . I will briefly paraphrase some of the research Robert shared in his book, Be Happy, and add my own commentary. First we will look at his 3 types of happiness.
3 Types of Happiness
Pleasure / Sensory Pleasure is a way of drawing out the soul’s joy. When you truly become present to a delectable outer experience, your soul’s inner beauty shows up. It is easy to think the object of our pleasure is causing our happiness, but it is our appreciation of it that makes us feel joy. The problem with pleasure is it is based in duality. As humans, we have been programmed to believe what is pleasurable and what is not. So after getting high on a pleasurable activity its easy to feel low from an “unpleasant” experience.
Satisfaction: Circumstantial happiness is all about how well our needs are being met. This is the kind of happiness that is commonly studied by researchers. There is truth here too. When we know all our basic needs are being met, we can relax, be creative, and have fun without worries. On the other hand, there are a great many unhappy people that have all their basic needs met. So, there has got to be more to happiness.
Joy: Unreasonable Happiness Joy is what our soul is. The word “Soul” means sun. When we are tapped into our core self, we feel great love and joy for no particular reason but to simply be here. I experienced this lying on my back for 3 months after nearly losing my life on a motorcycle. I had nothing to do but lie there motionless, and to my surprise, I became unconditionally happy. Let’s study the qualities of this inner joy.
- Constancy • This inner joy is always present and available, never absent. Only the compulsive mind becomes distracted from their Soul’s inner joy.
- Creativity • This inner joy is full of brilliant ideas and inspiration.
- Unreasonable • This inner joy can laugh and receive the gift of every situation because it holds no judgment.
- Untroubled • This loving-joy has no opposite or enemies, as it resides in oneness.
- Enough • This inner joy is content, with overflowing gratitude and abundance regardless of outer appearances.
7 Paradigms of How to be Happy
Here are Robert’s 6 paradigms of happiness. (I added number 7.) As you study them, I would like you to notice two things, Which ones do you subscribe to, now that you have thought about it, and which paradigms of happiness have been subconsciously ruling your life?
- Achievement Paradigm
Happiness is a byproduct of effort, action, and doing. This is the hard work ethic. Under the spell of this paradigm, if one isn’t achieving something, they are not going to be happy. Most people operating in this paradigm never achieve enough, because our deepest authentic happiness doesn’t come from achievement. From operating from this paradigm alone, there are many people who have committed suicide when they lost their job or business failed. - Possession Paradigm
Happiness comes from having money in the bank, nice clothes, jewry, car, house, loving partner, family, and friends. Giving to oneself all one’s material desires is a form of self love that can draw out much joy, but operating from this paradigm alone leads one to greed, hoarding, fear of losing money and status, and panic and grief when one experiences a loss. For example, some people operating out of this paradigm only have committed suicide when their house burned down, or lost their soul mate. - Reward paradigm
Some believe happiness has to be earned, like getting a promotion at work. This gives us an excuse to laugh, play, and celebrate. Those who operate mainly in this paradigm are usually not very happy people in their day to day life. In reality, we can laugh, play, dance, and celebrate every day! - Destination Paradigm
This can mean, “I’ll be happy when I complete this book, when I graduate, when I save a certain sum of money, when I am promoted, when I am extremely successful in my field, when I make a certain amount of money, when I have a child, when I am done raising children, when I retire, when I pass on and go to heaven.” This one keeps us missing so many beautiful now moments as we forget to appreciate and have gratitude for all we have, especially acknowledging the loved ones we share life with. “Life is a journey, not a destination.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson - Choice Paradigm
Happiness is a choice. So true! Human life can be so distracting these days. If we don’t consciously choose are happiness, its easy to allow lessor priorities to overwhelm us. Choosing to be happy leaves it open what happiness is for each moment. It’s remembering to ask the question, What does authentic happiness for me today feel like? Look like? Sound like? Smell like? Leaving happiness as an unknown we can choose to experience, allows the perfect answer to be received for each unique moment from the life field of infinite possibilities.Your life is a result of the choices you have made. If you don’t like your life, start making better choices. — Zig Ziglar - Identity paradigm
You just simply allow yourself to realize happiness as your very nature. This seems to be the most enlightened paradigm. Most spiritual teachings around the world agree, authentic happiness is found within. It is what we really are. We usually rediscover this natural unreasonable joy in our HRA groups, while mediating and breathing. Yet, there is still a shadow side of this paradigm, what I call the spiritual ego, of which I notice three flavors: - Love Paradigm
I added this paradigm because it adds more meaning to the Identity Paradigm. Happiness results from being loving. Love is what we are, and being loving is our life mission. Identifying with our loving may be easier to relate to in any moment than identifying with ourselves as joy. Love is what we are, which means we are being authentic when we are being caring to ourselves and others. We love others as ourselves, not more or less. When we are being loving to ourselves and others, our inner joy naturally arises. Love conquers all. Love is the answer to every challenge. The light of our unconditional loving reveals and heals our shadowy human issues that seem unlovable with compassion. As we apply our loving to those parts of ourselves and others that hurt, healing, growth, and learning results. Thus love is what drives our spiritual evolution.
In Conclusion
This loving-joy within you is not dependent on a temporary pleasure, the satisfaction of getting your needs met, or even from having accomplished something great. It is an endless reservoir of joy within you that can be tapped into when your mind is clear and heart is open.